Kifaya: Aeh Ely Be7sal?!

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Anybody noticed this?
The website of Kifaya now has a "new foundational" manifesto!! The manifesto on its site is dated August 21st 2006! And is emphasizing opposing the US and Israel as its primary goal! Without debating the validity of this goal, what does that has to do with your primary reason, Kifaya?! Did Mubarak resign from office, and I didn't know? Did we have democratic elections? Was the press freed?!
Sophomoric is written all over you, Kifaya. And in case you don't understand this, it means childish. And if you don't, then let me put it this way: Kifaya le3b 3yal!

Kifaya: Kifaya!!!

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Let me first say that I couldn't agree more with Kifaya and its proponents on the founding principles of the movement: uniting all the different Egyptian forces in a bid to put an end to this regime and its monopoly of power. Fair enough.
But this movement had repeatedly shown that they, like the forces they oppose, are suffering from an extreme case of political bankruptcy. Rather than focusing its efforts on this one (gigantic) undertaking, they're being repeatedly sidetracked into other topics (boycotting ART for encoding world cup games for example!) which shows both a severe miscoordination and leadership absence on one hand, and a sophomoric craving to tickle people's emotions on the other.
Of course, the ready answer to those questions is always: it's all connected. Well...no, it's not, and even if it was, why divert people attention, cause more rifts between supporters, and cast a doubt on your political seriousness?. That's of course unless Kifaya thinks that all Egyptians have one opinion on everything. At which case, they will be no better than the current government...wala aeh?
The latest Kifaya fiasco is this. They're petitioning for the cancellation of the Camp David Peace Treaty. These people are just dying for public support, aren't they?
But even if we tried to look at their proposal in a rational way, I find no grounds whatsoever to support it. I know that it is a common past time for Egyptian "intellectuals" to speak how this treaty is unjust to Egypt, how it is destroying the country, and how it is all in Israel's favor (read the comments on Kifaya statements to get an idea). Strangely enough that's the same as what these people think. But...oh...they're saying that it's all in Egypt's favor and that Israel is the bigger loser...what do you know, those devious Jews! (side note: they are also saying that 1973 was a big blow to Israel...I hate to admit it, but some Israelis are more fair than our Arab "brothers").
The real problem I see is that people don't read. We seem to have a natural aversion to this basic skill. Nobody who is attacking it, had read the treaty.
The terms of the treaty are pretty straightforward about the withdrawal of the Israeli troops from Sinai. Yeah, it places some limitations on the numbers of Egyptian troops in Sinai, AND Israeli troops on the other side of the border. Plus, contrary to common belief (among supporters and opponents), the Egyptian armed forces is not denied access to the whole of Sinai, but rather the strip of land adjacent to the borders, and even this changed recently, by allowing border guards to control the borders after Israeli "withdrawal" from Gaza. And even if some of these limitations seem too much for some people, let me just tell you: there is nothing like a free launch. We screwed up in 1967, and that's the price we had to pay. Thank God we had brave people who were able to turn things around in 1973, and force Israel to sign this withdrawal treaty, because that's what is this really is. All the niceties in this treaty (political, economic, and cultural relations) are including in such a non-binding language, that it could be practically saying "it would be nice to have...". Well, it would be nice, but we're free to do whatever we want.
Of course some people respond by saying such things as "this treaty allows Israel to shoot our border guards every couple of days". What does the treaty has to do with this?!? The fact that we're turning into a mosquito country is the real reason. Let me here emphasize that the fact that I think the treaty is OK, doesn't mean that I think that we're handling ourselves well with Israel. In fact there is nothing in the treaty that says we shouldn't respond to such a violations like shooting at our border troops (and FYI: we do respond!). There is nothing which says that we shouldn't have any sort of sanctions against Israel if they're acting in a way which is harming our national interests, or is barbaric against another Arab country. The treaty has a clause against trade sanctions? so what? The GATT has that, and the US do it all the time.
What we lack is an empowered system that can stand up for the interests of its people, and its allies. Treaty, or no treaty.
And Kifaya: grow up!

Treaty text: Egyptian Ministry of Foreign Affairs
Treaty text: Israeli Ministry of Foreign Affairs

I &hearts The Arabist

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**Warning: Snap judgmet to follow**
I LOVE tha Arabist. Really. I think it is the most thought-out "Middle Eastern" blog around.
Check this great video they uploaded from the Daily Show (another favorite), this prophecy for the end of the world, and this hot new service they discoverd.
These people are good.

Seriously!

The Black Cabs Conspiracy

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Riding on the wave of my newly-found soft spot for conspiracy theories, I think I had uncovered a very intriguing mystery.
First, some background. I'm one of the unfortunate souls that have to drive o work and back for 3 hours everyday. I drive across Cairo (6th of October) and sometimes around (Ring road). Being a true Cairene, being stuck in traffic is a second nature, hell, it is even a skill; show me an abandoned city, and we will gladly have traffic there, and get stuck in it. It's what we do. My point is: it comes as no surprise for me that traffic is really bad at certain bottlenecks, and better (slightly better) at others.
What is suspicious though, is that once I passed one of those "bottlenecks", and tried to find the reason for the very slow traffic there, I couldn't find any. Only after I really paid attention that I found that the reason for these traffic jams is invariably an old black cab. The black cab's engine is always fuming, its drivers is always dark with whitening hair, his face is always dusty, he is always carrying a water container, and the water container is always red!
Does that sound like a coincidence?!
I think not.
Here is what I think:
I think that this is a part of a plot to decrease the productivity of Egyptians. Being the upbeat, work bees that we are, our angry, self loathing "enemies" had to resort to this lame tactic (hey, we uncovered it) in order to hold us back from being at our work places on time, where we could have produced the greatest technologies man had ever made, the weapons of tomorrow, and the equipment that will take us to the most distant galaxies in space. Instead, we produce biscuits, and ice cream.
Those @#$#@# bastards. We're on to you!! We're on to you!!! Bring it on!!!!!

Also on The Egyptian

We Have Roots

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I linked to the story of the Eloquent Peasant in the last post. It seems that it is very telling of Egyptian nature. To an uncanny degree.

Here the peasant is trying to implore some Chief to help him get back his stolen donkeys:

Chief steward, my lord, you are greatest of the great, you are guide of all that which is not and which is. When you embark on the sea of truth, that you may go sailing upon it, then shall not the.........strip away your sail, then your ship shall not remain fast, then shall no misfortune happen to your mast then shall your spars not be broken, then shall you not be stranded---if you run fast aground, the waves shall not break upon you, then you shall not taste the impurities of the river, then you shall not behold the face of fear, the shy fish shall come to you, and you shall capture the fat birds. For you are the father of the orphan, the husband of the widow, the brother of the desolate, the garment of the motherless. Let me place your name in this land higher than all good laws: you guide without avarice, you great one free from meanness, who destroys deceit, who creates truthfulness. Throw the evil to the ground. I will speak hear me. Do justice, O you praised one, whom the praised ones praise. Remove my oppression: behold, I have a heavy weight to carry; behold, I am troubled of soul; examine me, I am in sorrow.

Classic ass-kissing, huh?
Impressed by his eloquence, officials keep passing the man around (typical). On his eighth encounter with an official, the man snaps out, and gives this very impressive speech, which, in a typical Egyptian fashion, is said in desperation, rather than defiance or courage:

Chief steward, my lord, man falls on account of............ Greed is absent from a good merchant. His good commerce is......... Your heart is greedy, it does not become you. You despoil: this is not praiseworthy for you.........Your daily rations are in your house; your body is well filled. The officers, who are set as a protection against injustice,---a curse to the shameless are these officers, who are set as a bulwark against lies. Fear of you has not deterred me from supplicating you; if you think so, you have not known my heart. The Silent one, who turns to report to you his difficulties, is not afraid to present them to you. Your real estate is in the country, your bread is on your estate, your food is in the storehouse. Your officials give to you and you take it. Are you, then, not a robber? They plow for you......... for you to the plots of arable land. Do the truth for the sake of the Lord of Truth.You reed of a scribe, you roll of a book, you palette, you god Thoth, you ought to keep yourself far removed from injustice. You virtuous one, you should be virtuous, you virtuous one, you should be really virtuous. Further, truth is true to eternity. She goes with those who perform her to the region of the dead. He will be laid in the coffin and committed to the earth; ---his name will not perish from the earth, but men will remember him on account of his property: so runs the right interpretation of the divine word.
"Does it then happen that the scales stand aslant? Or is it thinkable that the scales incline to one side? Behold, if I come not, if another comes, then you host opportunity to speak as one who answers, as one who addresses the silent, as one who responds to him who has not spoken to you. You have not been.........; You have not been sick. You have not fled, you have not departed. But you have not yet granted me any reply to this beautiful word which comes from the mouth of the sun-god himself: >Speak the truth; do the truth: for it is great, it is mighty, it is everlasting. It will obtain for you merit, and will lead you to veneration.' For does the scale stand aslant? It is their scale-pans that bear the objects, and in just scales there is no.............. wanting

At that point, I think the Chief either felt guilty, or something in the peasant words touched him in a deep way, so he acted to get back the peasant's goods.
To which the peasant replied:

I live because I eat of your bread and drink your beer forever.

Heheehehe, typical!

This post is also posted at TheEgyptian. An attempt at collobrative blogging. Would appreciate your input!

"Lucky is the One Who Make Me Cry..."

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The title of this post is the first half of a well known Egyptian proverb; the other half is no better "... but not the one who make me laugh"! Pretty depressing, huh!
Despite their apparent cynic nature, or maybe because of it, Egyptians do need trauma in their lives. Our raison d'etre, as our French friends would put it, is coping with sadness, and loss.
Just notice the women who decide to wear black for the rest of her life, because her husband die. Or notice how all songs that are played in public transportation, and poor neighborhoods, are about how unjust times are, and how everybody, especially those the singer thought were his friends, turned their backs and betrayed him, etc...
In today's Ahram (a paper which I am trying to boycott, Anis Mansour (a writer I'm not a big fan of) writes a column(English m/t), about this same exact topic. He is relating our characteristics to the ancient story of the "Eloquent Peasant".
It is a very nice read, and surprisingly, very insightful!

Heavy Breath

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I almost feel guilty for not noticing this "statement" by a good friend of mine.
I'm too consumed by soulless, corporate, drones to feel his words, but they, undoubtedly, had sparked something in me.

I Hate Predictability

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When I read the title of this post (Ya Farha Matamet) , I thought "Finally, the guy will come down slamming on Israel's violation of the cease fire yesterday. But, I was wrong. In a typical new-con cadet style, the post attacks Iran, the Europeans, and suggest some sort of relation between the two. Can it get any more Reaganesque?
I don't think so.
Ah, and no mention of Israel, or the US whatsoever. Typical!

Accidental Wisdom

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I am stuck watching the 3 parts of The Godfather (yeah stuck...don't ask). Since I have seen it about 100 times before, I started focusing on very tiny details of the movie, the same way you really savor the last bite of a Kitkat or a Hershys bar. Also, I hope that one day I'll be on "Who wants to be a millionaire", and the million dollars question would be "What was the color of Vito Carleone's socks when he shot Fanucci, midway through the second part"...Only then, I'll have a shot at the million dollars.
Anyways, during Micheal Carleone's visit to Cuba he had this very interesting conversation with Hyman Roth

MICHAEL
I saw an interesting thing today. A man was being arrested by the Military Police; probably an urban guerrilla. Rather than be taken alive, he exploded a grenade hidden in his jacket, taking the command vehicle with him.

It occurred to me: the police are paid to fight, and the Rebels are not

ROTH
So?
MICHAEL
They can win

Why did that sound so familiar? Hmm, I wonder! Probably just the heat!

Oh my God! He is relating a quote about the Cuban revolution. A commie is in the house [hysterical shrieking sounds]

I Really Hope He Isn't Serious

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The very talkative, albeit very entertaining, Faisal has undertaken an endeavor which we all pray, will see him go somewhere but Lazghouly. That's highly unlikely, but we can only hope!

"3ayez temsek el balad yalla?!?!" "Fakr nafsak meen ya ro7 omak?!?!" ta'777777

Reading it, on the other hand, is highly recommended!

How To End Lebanese Suffering

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First of all, excuse my insensitivity.
I feel very strongly against what's happening in Lebanon. I also feel very strongly against helplessness . That's why the situation in Lebanon was especially dilemmatic for me. I simply couldn't just shake my head in sorrow, or chant empty slogans.
That feeling didn't go away until I discussed it with a friend. Now before I go on, let me tell you that this friend is one of the wisest people I ever knew. He is also very depression prone, and had he any real talents, he would have been a great artist, but because he doesn't have any, he is just plain suicidal.
Anyways...
The day I met that friend, he was, unnaturally, upbeat. After the usual chit chat, I asked him what he thought about the situation in Lebanon. He answered "nothing". Trying to know the reason for that indifference of a very opinionated character, I inquired about what he meant, so he answered me "See, you once told me something which is very true [me touting my own horn-Editor], there is no beginnings and no ends, everything is either an improvement or a deterioration, but things are all connected"
Me:"So?"
Friend: "Nothing, what's happening in Lebanon is the same as what's happening here in Egypt, people are beaten up by the police, I know, but it's not even about that, it is that every one of us bya'7od 3ala 2affah [is getting beaten on the back of his neck--approx =kicked in the ass] in work, in the street, and even in personal relations, so it's not very strange that a whole country bya'7od 3ala 2affah"
"So," the friend continued "I decided to aid Lebanon"
Me: [interested] "How?"
Friend: "You know how I hate my job, hate where I work, hate my boss, and hate how everybody is kissing ass all the time?"
I nod
Friend: "And you know how reluctant I was to actually search for other jobs because I thought this one was convenient enough?"
I nod again
Friend: "Well," he pauses for effect "I quit my job!"
Then he leaned forward, looked me in the eyes, and said in a tone, hadn't he been such a chubby fellow, would be fit of William Wallace "I decided that mesh ha'7od 3ala 2afaya [I won't be beaten on the back of my neck] ever again!!"

The Post of A Conspiracy Theory Convert

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Damn it. I hate conspiracy theories, I hate conspiracy theorists, and I hate conspiracies in general.
But...
I'm smelling a rat with the Heathrow airport 'incident'.
Here is what I think: Blair is really feeling the heat of public opposition to his pro-US policy. So he gives a call to the big W in Washington, who gives him the dirt "Get your CIA people to play with the colors...if you know what I mean" and he winks, to which Blair replies "first, I think they're called Mi5 over here, and secondly stop winking, George Michael was that close to outing us!"; Bush, rolling his eyes "Anywho...just give the people some action, turn this alert thing to red, and people would be rallying around you like you're Kylie Minogue"; Blair, nervous, "I said stop hitting on me already"....
The conversation went on, until Laura stormed into the room...but that's not the point.
The point is, for the first time in my life, I'm willing to bet my pants on a conspiracy theory!

Trivial

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That's probably the most trivial post I've ever put on this blog, but...who cares!

Sometimes it helps when thing are put into perspective (From the ZoomClouds tags to your right!)

Egyptian Role -- Wait,...What Egyptian Role?!?!?!

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People are furious.
And are secretly excited!

That's the lowdown on people's emotions here in Egypt.
They're furious for obvious reasons (the systematic killing of an entire population, and destruction of a country's infrastructure should, if not inconvenient to you in any ways, be a bit disturbing), but they're also excited because Hassan Nasrallah, and Hezbollah are giving them what nobody did for years -- Leadership.
Most people don't know every little detail about the situation in Lebanon, and 99% were convinced, I guarantee you this, that Lebanon's struggle against Israel ended in 2000. But, that doesn't make them any less excited about the emerging hero. About David poking Goliath eye. For the first time in 30 years, Arabs, and more specifically Egyptians, are able to gather around TVs in cafes waiting for the latest resistance statement. The fact that this is pissing the filthy old men in power, makes the guilty pleasure all sweeter.
For that specific reason I am surprised with people who are demanding an Egyptian role in this crisis. Don't get me wrong; Egypt should, ideally, have a great sway on how such a war plays out in its backyard. If not for humanity, it is crucial for Egyptian national security that Egypt steps up to try and put an end to this barbaric war.
But..
That's how things should be. That's not how they really are.
Egypt had become, thanks to 25 years of short-sighted foreign policy, irrelevant. Yes, irrelevant!
We can talk, reject, accept, put our pants on fire and run around shouting "the British are coming", and still nobody will notice. It is the simple harsh truth.
The beauty of that, for rulers of course, is that they can take any position with the luxury of not caring about the consequences. They can use those situations and crises, abound in the middle east, to score cheap popularity points. That's why, it continues to amaze me that Hosny Mubarak didn't seize this opportunity to appear as an Arab hero, by criticizing the Israeli attack, cutting diplomatic connections, ejecting the Israeli ambassador, or any other means. What drives me crazy however, are people, supposedly opposing him, who are practically begging him to do one of these inconsequential actions and be a hero (even a false one will do at his popularity level), and yet he refuses!!!!!
Reminds me of the blind man who had a blind bird. Because he was blind he put her out of the cage, but because the bird itself was blind, it flew into the cage!
Think about that!

Twisted!

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As some of you may have noticed (I hope!), I haven't been writing for a while. The reason was an avalanche of personal as well as professional commitments. And since this avalanche hasn't subside yet (it got worse actually), I decided to resume writing anyhow (that's not the "Twisted" part in the title, although it would make a very good candidate)

Now let me tell you this: I haven't been writing about Lebanon, not because of disinterest, but rather because of a mixed case of confusion, and helplessness. A combination which I find both foreign, and repulsive.
Anywho...
What spurred me to write was a discussion with a friend who argued that, you know what, Israel is better than Hezbollah because while Hezbollah tries to kill civilians by firing rockets at their cities but misses because of its poor equipment, Israelies, on the other hand, have the capability to kill millions (by "carpet bombing"--he seemed to be so fond of the phrase!) but they don't, and kill only thousands, so they're, you know, cool!
!!
I wouldn't comment (on this or the situation in general) now. I want you to just behold the logic.


The Goddamn LOGIC!