.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

Friday, March 10, 2006

How To Start A Terrorist Network?

Moved on! Check TheCairoCalls

Being entrepreneurial as ever, I always pondered this question; how do one get to start his own terrorist group. I mean I obviously am against what they're doing, but on a more logistic, operational, organizational level these guys astonish me. How could the Bin-Ladins and Zarqawis of the world get to coordinate those massive killing networks with such precision we hear of on the evening news, without any MBAs in their ranks.
After brief observations, and briefer thoughts, I give you the "Extremist's Guide To Start His Own Terror Group":
  1. 1. Find a victim (preferably somebody who was, being, or willing to be killed). The wider the definition of the 'victim' the better.
  2. 2. Find a villain who can pass Mr. Evil's criteria of badness. Abstract, stereotype, dehumanize, and repeat.
  3. 3. Define an ideology. It's not hard really; use very big words to define it, scream while you're talking about it, and make your eyes dilate in utter disbelief when somebody questions it (I know it takes practice, but you'll manage)
  4. 4. Have a leader. You got to have a leader. Can you have a war without a hero? You sure can't! I know that you're thinking "I'm the leader! I am the one reading the manual!" I know. But you can't be a 'leader', until you star in your own version of "Passion of the Christ". Man, you gotta be the savior. S-a-v-i-o-r. The greater the number of people you're trying to save the better; it widens the recruitment pool. Also, you need to emphasize traumas in your life and how it made you the great leader you are. If these traumas include one when the villain took you away from your parents in your childhood, you've hit the jackpot.
  5. 5. Be paranoid. Needless to say, everybody is conspiring against you.
  6. 6. Give suggestions not orders, preferably in the heat of defining your ideology (see 3). Something like "we disapprove of killing, but if any of the villains took as much as a breath of air that could have gone to us, then we will surely kill him without hesitation!" See, no orders, just suggestions! (will also serve you well during investigations later on)
  7. 7. Offer alternatives, between dying or following you blindly "...even if we have to give up some of our principles...hell...dying isn't a good principle, now is it?!"
  8. 8. Repeat, repeat, and repeat. Through cassettes, CDs, satellite channels, internet, the new blogging thingie...you know, the works!
Now that you have your own terror group, I have one more advice to you; "Never be upstaged", stay invincible, stay vindicated!

Moved on!

20 Comments:

this is very simple , but practical one..i will try it & tell you soon...
( be sure i am not going to tell my source during investigations!!

By Anonymous Dermact, at March 10, 2006 3:23 AM  


use very big words to define it, scream while you're talking about it, and make your eyes dilate in utter disbelief when somebody questions it

Offer alternatives, between dying or following you blindly



Great post!!!

By Blogger sugiero, at March 10, 2006 3:47 AM  

Brilliant!

By Blogger Muhammad, at March 10, 2006 1:46 PM  

TB:

Haha, excellent post. But I have to tell you that it took nearly an hour for me to read it as I avoided people seeing the " How To Start A Terrorist Network?" title on my computer screen.

You know, a Muslim, in America, with that title on his screen could mean I'd be blogging from Gitmo next time!

By Anonymous Alb Sayed, at March 10, 2006 5:56 PM  

Exactly Alb, the same thing here.

By Anonymous Mohamed, at March 10, 2006 6:42 PM  

"How could the Bin-Ladins and Zarqawis of the world get to coordinate those massive killing networks with such precision..."
I guess they don't; not as much as USoA wants to beleive anyway.

The very name 'Alqaeda' is an american 'manufacturing', watch for the relation between 'manufacture' and 'fact'. It's in the language.

Now that you have all what you wrote and 'Alqaeda' on your blog, you can watch teh traffic and watch out for yourself :)

By Anonymous Alif, at March 10, 2006 9:37 PM  

i came over it at work too, got really paranoid and didn't finish it. i'm in norway

By Anonymous Hani, at March 11, 2006 1:05 AM  

Did you get the idea for this after reading Aqoul's post on "how to be a moderate Muslim reformer"? It was about as funny as yours. It would be great to let Osama and Irshad Manji just battle each other to the death and we could just watch.

By Blogger Anna in Portland (was Cairo), at March 16, 2006 3:06 PM  

This whole information is absolutely useful and interesting. i like this blog because is easily understandable, and that is invaluable to the readers. I wanted to buy viagra online, and i saw this blog. I think this information will be useful for me specially because i have had some inconvenient with my network.

By Blogger kimberly, at August 03, 2010 4:18 AM  

Thank you for the great blog! By the way, if you want to buy cheap Viagra on-line from the certified drug stores or online pharmacies this information is important for you:
Millions of men take benefits from Viagra. Read more about Viagra online. Viagra works effectively in amiable, moderate or undecorated Erectile Dysfunction.
Viagra improves erections for most men no matter how long they have had erectile dysfunction. Buy cheap Viagra Online. Brand and generic medications are available!
Generic Viagra is a need based pill. Buy Generic Viagra. It should be taken only when you plan to indulge in sexual activity. Taken Viagra approximately 30 minutes before your plan sexual activity it will work on stimulation for around 4 hours. Order Indian generics drugs online from a certified generic drug pharmacy. Lowest prices on both generic and brand medications. Big discounts, fast and free worldwide shipping!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 18, 2010 12:22 PM  

Hello, I do not agree with the previous commentator - not so simple

By Anonymous generic cialis 20mg, at November 24, 2010 12:59 PM  

It was so interesting for me to read the blog. This is full of new ideas. Thank you for the post.

By Anonymous GenFX anti aging supplement, at November 22, 2011 4:49 AM  

we should watch for the relation between 'manufacture' and 'fact'. It's in the language.

By Anonymous VigRX penis enhancement pills review, at November 24, 2011 8:14 AM  

This is full of good stuffs.I was eagerly waited for this kind of blog.

By Anonymous Skinception stretch mark treatment, at December 01, 2011 7:49 AM  

Brilliant . Is it secure enough ?

By Anonymous Caliplus natural anti impotence pills, at January 12, 2012 1:37 PM  

It's not hard really; use very big words to define it, scream while you're talking about it..

By Anonymous Compare natural sperm volume enhancers, at January 12, 2012 4:30 PM  

If these traumas include one when the villain took you away from your parents in your childhood, you've hit the jackpot.

By Anonymous Caliplus, at January 29, 2012 5:59 AM  

why you post this and made public? you just started to teach something bad for all people

By Anonymous Best Washing machine reviews, at February 04, 2012 1:05 PM  

Your story is amazing sir. I think im going to take a day off and stay in the house reading your entire blog.

By Anonymous Where to buy Cheap Samsung Un26D4003, at February 15, 2012 3:11 PM  

Big words to define it, scream while you're talking about it, and make your eyes dilate in utter disbelief when somebody questions it, Offer alternatives, between dying or following you blindly

By Anonymous Duramale best premature ejaculation product, at February 20, 2012 5:02 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home