Moved on! Check TheCairoCalls
I am a genius!
This is not a very modest way to start a post (nor end it, if you think about it), but sometimes one has to bow to the most evident of facts, and accept the unquestionable truth: I am a genius.
"What sent you on this ego-maniacal frenzy?" you might ask, and you have every right to do so.
But before I answer you, let me just speak to the coming generations, from which a bright young man will spend hours upon hours trying hieroglyphic Chkdsk commands in an effort to get this piece of junk he got at Silico-Junk for $999.99 (a real bargain in their times), to release the brilliant thoughts and words entrapped onto them. To this young guy: I salute you, for you had uncovered the secret code of ever lasting peace and harmony between all mankind.
But, let me talk to my time-mates now kid, will you?
Notice all the madness that is going all around us? Notice how great wars and conflicts can arise from the smallest of misunderstandings, and the tiniest of cultural discrepancies?
Ever wanted to feel safe in a world that is increasingly polarized, and where an especially psychopathic French president is threatening that if somebody does something to some French interests, he will blow da'bomb ("Stay away from me...I'm dangerous...I'm mad, really mad...get back!
")? Ever wanted to have the freedom to practice what you believe is true without fear of prosecution, humiliation, or getting your embassy bombed?
Well, I did. But now I found the cure, which you can all apply!
Eliminate "THEY"!! (as in "they
are plotting against us...", "they
made me do it...", "they
should rot in hell..", etc,etc...)
Yes, cross it out from dictionaries. And don't try to smart-ass me. Cross out them, ellos, ils, and هم from the dictionarioes as well.
This word is from the devil. It had always been used to collect un-harmonious objects in big chunks which essentially has nothing to do with each other. It had been used by all wackos through out history to vindicate themselves from blame. (From Marie Antoinette's "they had it coming", referring to the French peasants'' starvation, to Nero's "they left milk to boil too long" when asked about the cause of Rome's burning).
And it is still in use to this very day to denote fear of the other and, sometimes, unjustified inferiority complexes. Take this discussion I had with my imaginary radical friend (the inside of my mind is a really fabulous place!):
Me: Why are you so angry?
IRF (for Imaginary Radical Friend, duh!): Because these sick morons insulted the prophet in a cartoon they made, that's why.
Me: You know what, you're right, those cartoonists should really be held responsible for their actions, they should apologize for what they did, they should....
IRF: [interrupting me] cartoonists? Do you want to punish only the cartoonists?
Me: [perplexed] Yeah, I guess...
IRF: [with a mad look on his face] THEY should all pay the price for this. It is only fair after all what have THEY done for us!
Me: [really confused] They have done to you? Who do you mean? Taxi drivers?? 'cuz the only problem I think you have is in getting a cab to work, that's about it!
IRF: [with the I-can't-stand-hearing-what-you-say-but-I'll-redeem-you-anyways look]: Are you kidding me in such a grave matter?? I mean THEY! All of them who are killing Palestinians and Iraqis.
Me: The Danes?!!
IRF: All of them, THEY're plotting against us, we have to teach THEM a lesson!
Me: So what we should do?
IRF: We should fight them to the end!!
Me: What end?
IRF: Their end!!!
Me: [fed up] yeah, sure....tell me when you're ready. Meanwhile say Hola to Sancho Panza
But to be fair a similar thing happened with my other imaginary, dude friend from their part of the world (still all in the little fabulous place, I like to call me head):
IDF: (yeah, you guessed it) Yo, ma man these are some crazy ass wackos out there
Me: Chill out man...who's getting' on your back...
IDF: Those Muslim niggas, they're throwing bombs and shootin bullets every otha way...it's crazy man, it's like the bronx out there man..
Me: [a little taken back] You know, I'm one of those, you know, crazy-ass wackos
IDF: No, no nigga, You ma dawg...I mean THEM. They're all crazy, angry nutjobs
Me: [really lost] Crazy, and angry? I mean, I can't even hold my turn in the fuckin' train queue. For the conductor guy, I am passenger number 5, that's the nearest I got to getting on the train. I had a friend who is really shy, he doesn't use cellphone because he wants to save himself the impressment of being asked to "call again later"...what crazy, angry Muslims are you talking about?
IDF: Well, maybe not you two, but the rest of them Muslims...uh...what should I say...THEY will kill you the moment you give them you're back....it is like...BAM....and [he looks to me as if he is about to let me on a secret] THEY want to rule the world...those sandniggas!
Me: When we rule the world, I'll let you get the tacos you like...
IDF: Thanks Bro!
Imagine the loss of words those two nut-jobs (who are both inside my head, mind you) will suffer if the satanic word was crossed out! Now that's eliminating hate! Because people will then have to think a bit harder about who they're really talking about. And from what I know about similar people, thinking would be really tiring to them, that it's ought to let off most of their steam anyways. So, you know, we would all have more time to rationalise things, and COMMUNICATE about our differences.
If this works out, we can then start wiping out words like east and west (after all they're just directions for God's sake!)
Until then, be proactive: CROSS OUT "THEY"
P.S. feel free to create banners, logos, or tiny tanktops with the slogan on!